Belgian Television

Most people know that TV in Europe isn’t quite what it is in the U.S. Instead of seven hundred channels, there are roughly seven.

However, Europe does a good job of tricking you into thinking that there are more – for example, our TV gets 32 channels. But 6 of those don’t actually have a signal – they just show a blue screen and say “CNN” in the corner. A dozen more are repeats of other channels. Not “repeat” as in “syndicated shows,” but literally identical in every way to another channel. There are also two channels that are SMS text messaging dating sites during the day, and SMS porn-messaging sites after around 7 p.m. You know, once the kids are asleep.

Of course, July is the time for Le Tour, which means Tour coverage. Of course, we get that on a few channels – one in French (Le Deux!) and one in Flemish (Sporza!). And instead of a swank SportsCenter-style set, the Flemish highlights consist of two anchors and a daily guest at a huge, unpolished wooden table in a chateau drinking wine. Since each Tour stage is about five hours long, the guest is usually completely hammered on free wine once the time for actual commentary rolls around.

Then there’s MTV. While American MTV has room for The Real World, Road Rules, and about one music video per week, European MTV is still just music videos. That would be great, but Europe can only handle about five popular songs at any one time. Right now, those songs are Violet Hill (Coldplay), American Boy (Kanye West and someone else), Are You Ready (Kat Morgan and Busta Rhymes), I’m Not That Sweet (by someone different), and whatever Madonna is doing right now. It’s not yet clear if they rotate new songs in one at a time, or if they replace all five at once.